Wednesday, September 3, 2014

You Know Why Women Were Born With the Ability to Have Multiple Orgasms?

WARNING: This post contains discussion about orgasms, menstrual periods, and menopause ....if you are uncomfortable talking (or reading) about such things, then close your browser window right now, because I need to rant.

You know why women were born with the ability to have multiple orgasms? 

...It's a trade-off for all the other hormone related crap we women have to endure throughout our lives. 

It starts with monthly bleeding that begins at about the age of 12 and continues well beyond our typical child bearing years.  It brings along its constant companions, cramping, crabby moods, and water retention.   Oh, and acne too!

Then there is morning sickness that we feel the first several months (and the last several months) of pregnancy.

Pregnancy might be considered one of the trade-offs as well, but I was happy to be pregnant, other than the morning sickness part.  It was the pain of giving birth that I felt was the trade-off.

And then after some 40 years of menstrual cycles we get to do it in reverse for another 2-10 years during peri-menopause.  This lovely time of our life is when we 'begin' to have memory loss, mood swings, grow random chin hairs, and our body loses it's ability to maintain proper every part of our body where it is truly needed. (If you are not there yet, I won't scare you with those details.)

Is it just me or does these reproductive organs look kind of scary?
We begin to suffer hot flashes and night sweats, Oh Joy!  How in the world did women of the 'olden days' survive without an adjustable thermostat they could turn up or down every hour (or quarter hour) as needed to keep from freezing to death or burning alive, for no apparent reason?  Oh, wait, they didn't live as long back then...maybe that was a good thing.

Just yesterday I woke up with my hands and fingers feeling like someone filled me up like a water balloon.  My pants that fit me fine the night before were so tight now that I could hardly breathe.  I found comfort in my loose fitting tan capri pants that I decide to wear out to lunch with the hubby.  Then an hour later I regretted not choosing my black ones, because I realize I've started my period while out to lunch.

Then this morning I wake up with a terrible hormonal migraine.  They come on every time my hormones make a drastic fluctuation...which is often these days, but almost always the day-of or day-after my period starts.  So here I sit here in the unlit rooms of our home, with no TV or radio playing, and the dogs are forbidden to bark.  I've even placed a post-it note outside the front door with a warning note threatening anyone who pushes that doorbell button.

About this time I'm thinking about this 'trade-off' we women were given.  And I'm thinking that the next time I'm feeling a wee bit selfish for enjoying myself too much while my poor husband only gets to reach 'the prize' once before the game is over...I'm gonna cash in on this 'trade-off' and just keep on 'having too much fun' until this poor old body of mine just crashes from exhaustion.

Keeper of 1 husband, 3 dogs, 
3 cats, and 17 Chickens!

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Image Credits: The images in this post were courtesy of (in the order shown): 1)  by luigi diamanti, 2) by dream designs, 3) by stockimages, and 4) by FrameAngel.